Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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