I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
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All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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