38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
