apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
