I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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