just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
