I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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