you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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