U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
