there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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