He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
