Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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