my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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