Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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