her vagine was all disorganized.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
