He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
