she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
