just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
