its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
