Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How does one acquire holy water?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
