If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
