I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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