Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
