The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
