I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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