The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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