Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
