I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
