You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
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Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
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we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.