The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Jerry, you need to find god
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST