i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing