You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating