I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
