he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
