no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
