I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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