i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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