Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
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I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
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you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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