Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
