he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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