Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
