Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize