I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize