It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dick very happy bro
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
