...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
