Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
