The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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