i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Found the puke drawer
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
