so explain again why im purple
no
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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