woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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