I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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