You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
