my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
