I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
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he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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