someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
