textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Randomize
