is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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