If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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