How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
