how can u be prego again
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
