Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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