Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
