Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
They have beer where we have blood.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
