his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
