I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I did not marry a roomba.
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