I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
