im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
