A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I fill condoms, not promises.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
