Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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