we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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