Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
