How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
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