I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
sarcasm needs its own font
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
