He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
