I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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