my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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