I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
