You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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