Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
