he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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