I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
