he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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