I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
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he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
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It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize