Im at strip club and am horny
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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