i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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