TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
