She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
