my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
